How to Open Up to a Therapist

You’ve finally taken the leap to start seeing a therapist. You’ve had a handful of sessions--or maybe you’ve been meeting for quite some time now--and yet, you’re still holding back. You want to be honest with your therapist, but you’re just not sure how.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Many people struggle with opening up in therapy. Even though talking about yourself is an integral part of counseling, it can feel uncomfortable. After all, talking about sensitive, personal topics isn’t easy--even if you’re close with someone.

While there is no magic formula for how to tell your therapist something hard, our Los Angeles psychotherapists have several tips to make it a little easier.

Strategies for opening up in therapy

If you’re struggling to figure out how to open up to your therapist, consider the following tips.

Give it time

You read that right: it takes time to feel comfortable enough to share your deepest secrets with someone. If you have just begun your counseling journey, avoid putting pressure on yourself to open up right off. 

There is nothing wrong with taking time to build trust with your therapist before you open up. In fact, it’s healthy. You need to feel safe in order to share your thoughts and feelings, and your therapist should respect this.

Keep in mind that everyone takes different amounts of time to warm up to people. For example, you may feel secure with your therapist after a few sessions, but other people may need more time.

Evaluate the relationship

While it’s natural to need time before opening up in therapy, you should also be mindful of what exactly is holding you back. Is there something about your relationship with your therapist that is making you uneasy? 

It’s worth exploring those feelings. For example, feeling judged by your therapist is a valid reason for why you’d be hesitant to share things.

This is something you may want to discuss with your therapist to see if they can address your concerns. If not, you may want to find a therapist who is a better fit so you can feel more comfortable opening up.

Start small and work your way up

A good way to build trust with your therapist is by starting with topics that feel most comfortable to talk about. From here, you can slowly progress onto talking about more difficult subjects. Talking about work stress may feel more accessible, for example, than delving into traumatic experiences from your childhood right away. 

This gives you the chance to practice talking about vulnerable topics without jumping in the deep end right away. It can also help you gauge how your therapist reacts so that you can get a sense of whether or not you feel safe sharing with them. 

Call it out

Your hesitancy to share may be the elephant in the therapy room. Sometimes, naming the unspoken dynamics at play can help you feel more comfortable and make it easier to share what’s going on.

Try letting your therapist know that you’re having a difficult time opening up. They may have strategies unique to your situation that could help you feel more at ease talking with them.

They may also make adjustments to their style in order to accommodate you. For example, they may start asking more direct questions to draw out information instead of leaving the conversation open.

Explore different ways to communicate

If you have something you really want to tell your therapist but you just can’t get the words out, consider using alternative methods of communication.

Many people find that communicating through writing can be easier than vocalizing their feelings. You could write a short letter and hand it to your therapist, or ask them if they’d be willing to incorporate tools like dry erase boards into your session.

Other forms of expression include art, dance, music, and play. While these may not be as direct as speaking or writing, they can be excellent ways to explore feelings and start a conversation.

Evaluate your expectations

Sometimes people enter therapy with a certain idea of what it will be like. You may have the expectation that other people are not as “broken” as you are, or that your therapist will be bored if your problems aren’t “bad” enough.

The truth is that acting on these expectations will prevent you from getting the most out of your therapy sessions. Being honest with your therapist--regardless of what you’re going through--is the most effective way to work through your issues.

Whether you’re tempted to embellish your problems or downplay them, you’re avoiding the real issue. Doing this will only prolong your suffering.

Consider the logistics

It’s important to consider what logicistial factors could be making it difficult to open up in therapy. For example, do you feel distracted having therapy sessions in the middle of the day? Consider shifting your sessions to later in the day, when you’ll have time to relax afterward. This could make you feel more at ease and ready to talk seriously with your therapist.

Another logistical consideration is whether to have in-person sessions or teletherapy. You may feel more able to open up in your home, a place you already feel comfortable in. On the other hand, going to your therapist’s office could offer privacy if there are other people in your home.

Allow one of our holistic therapists to guide you through opening up in therapy

It’s okay if you still feel uncertain about how to open up to a therapist. Our team of holistic therapists will provide you a safe space where you can be yourself and share anything that’s on your mind. A complimentary consultation gives you the opportunity to feel it out and get answers to any questions you may have. Connect with us today to schedule (California residents only).