“How Do I Know If I’m Grieving?”: What You Need to Know About the Grief Process

Let’s talk about the grief process. Grief and loss are experiences that we all encounter throughout the course of our life. And yet, we are often uncomfortable talking about grief. So we want to open the conversation about grief and loss and normalize the idea that the grief experience is an important one—and it doesn’t follow a specific formula or have a one-size-fits-all “cure”.

What Is Grief and What Does It Look Like?

To put it simply, grief is the complex emotional experience individuals go through when they encounter a loss in their life. When we think about grief, we often think of the death of a loved one, but grief could apply to a variety of different losses.

“Is this grief?”

There’s a story we sometimes tell ourselves about grief—that some things are worthy of a grief process, but others aren’t “sad enough” or “don’t count as a loss.” In our society, we seemingly have some unspoken rules about what’s acceptable to grieve and what’s not. In fact, there are so many different kinds of losses that an individual could encounter in their lifetime and they each deserve to be fully processed and grieved.

Loss can look like…

  • A change in routine

  • Loss of familiarity after a move to a new city

  • A changing friendship or a breakup with a partner

  • A shift in health

  • Loss of a job or opportunity

  • Loss of a pet

  • And so much more…


Symptoms of Grief

Grief can manifest in many different ways. It can look a lot like depression and even anxiety. While we don’t want to pretend like there’s a formula for how grief will show up for you, there are some common signs our Los Angeles grief therapists have found when grief is coming to the surface:

  • Deep sadness

  • Overwhelm

  • Anxious or racing thoughts

  • Avoidance of the subject of loss

  • Being lethargic OR buzzing with energy that may be out of the norm

How to Process Grief and Loss:

This isn’t a complete list or meant to be a how-to for managing the grief experience, however, these can be some powerful ways to process a loss that’s occurred in your life:

  • Honor where you are - This may be easier said than done, but it’s important to acknowledge where you are and what it is you are feeling. You don’t need to rush the grief process. Allow yourself the space you need to just be where you are, as you are.

  • Deep breaths - Depending on where you are in your grief process, you could be feeling a lot of charge in your body. You may even find it difficult to focus or to find a sense of calm. Breathing exercises like Box Breathing can be soothing and bring back some equilibrium to your mind and body.
    Try this: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold one last time for four seconds. Repeat a few times and see if you notice a difference!

  • Mindfulness - A quick body scan can be a great way to ground yourself in the present moment. While sitting or laying down, slowly begin scanning from the top of your head down to your toes, noting any feelings or sensations that may surface as you go.

  • Create a grief ritual - Rituals can be a powerful thing to incorporate into your grief process. For example, you could light a candle when you feel like you need to take some time to sit with the emotions that are surfacing around the loss, and blow it out when you feel like you’re ready to leave that space.

  • Talk to someone - talk to a trusted friend, perhaps who has experienced the grief process, or work with a trained grief therapist in Los Angeles

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How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving

Because most of us are uncomfortable navigating our own grief, we can have trouble supporting a friend or family member who is grieving. We have a tendency to want to fix or soothe when we see someone we love in pain, but that is often not going to be the most comforting way to approach someone in this process. Here are some ideas for some practical, but supportive ways to be with a loved one in their grief process:

  • Drop off their favorite meal

  • Stop by and clean a few dishes or throw in a load of laundry

  • Sit and actively listen if they feel like talking (no need to fix—just listen and thank them for sharing)

  • Reach out - Grief can be incredibly isolating, so even if you don’t know what to say, simply reaching out to say you’re thinking of them can go a long way.

Why Grief Therapy Is Important

Although grief is both a common and human emotional experience, it rarely follows a linear path. Most people are acquainted with the idea that there are stages of grief, but the grief process often doesn’t follow a formula or a set of stages. It can come in waves and show up unexpectedly. Grief therapy can be one powerful resource for the ebbs and flows that may come your way. Working with a Los Angeles grief therapist can be a resource that can help you to both embrace the grief process and also gain some tools to help you process and create a new relationship with the loss.

Work with One of Our Grief Therapists in L.A. (Open to All California Residents)

If you’re interested in processing your grief with a trained therapist in Los Angeles, we’ve got a wonderful team of grief therapists who can support you in your healing journey. Contact us to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our grief therapists. (We offer teletherapy so if you’re in California, or local to the Los Angeles area, you can connect with a grief therapist from the comfort of your own home!)

Jenny Walters